Entries from 2021

A Giant Lie Called Gender

Wednesday, November 3, 2021

The concept of gender, in its entirety, has been on my mind a lot lately.

This probably isn't surprising, given the entire name of this blog and the nature of my life; but in all honesty, the notion wasn't quite as centered in my awareness and thoughts for a while. I needed to work on other things.

Read the rest of A Giant Lie Called Gender...

Meta: it's been a long time coming...

Saturday, October 9, 2021

I started writing the document that became the beginning of this blog late on the night of April 28th, 2019.

2019 was a hard year, for me; that document started as a desperate dumping ground for words I dared not utter anyplace else, and over the course of the next three months, it expanded beyond what I ever dreamed it might contain.

Read the rest of Meta: it's been a long time coming......

Meta: publishing some old things, finally

Friday, September 3, 2021

Today has been ... intense.

This blog is filled with mentions and allusions to the things I endured as a child, growing up in a horrific environment, bouncing from one hellish landscape of neglect and abuse to another. I spent part of this morning doing trauma therapy exercises, writing freehand with a purple pen on printer paper, about those chunks of experience.

Read the rest of Meta: publishing some old things, finally...

Monday, August 23rd, 2021

Monday, August 23, 2021

I've been a big fan of writing down my thoughts for many, many years. I started writing stuff that (eventually) wound up becoming this blog nearly two and a half years ago.

Life doesn't stop, and neither has the discovery, the growth, and the change. It seems like every time I pause to catch my breath, I look up and realize I know myself better than I did the last time I took stock.

Read the rest of Monday, August 23rd, 2021...


Sunday, May 23, 2021

There are some things that are hard to believe, even as we live through them.

I never really bought into the line that "truth is stranger than fiction." But there are parts of my life I couldn't invent, no matter how much I tried.

Read the rest of Waiting...

Monday, May 17th, 2021

Monday, May 17, 2021

I have nothing against being wrong - not in general, not in principle. Being wrong is part of guessing, and guessing is part of trying something new; and, after all, one of the biggest reliefs of my entire life was discovering just how wrong I was about who I am, a couple of years ago.

But there are times when it's harder than others. Times when I have to just admit that I was wrong, and if there's any usefulness to be had from the mistake, it's lost in the sheer pain of how awful the mistake was.

I made the mistake of thinking things were OK with my relatives.

Read the rest of Monday, May 17th, 2021...


Saturday, May 8, 2021

Yes, I am trans.

No, I didn't "transition."

Not the way you want to think of it.

You could say I transformed, perhaps.

Read the rest of Terminology...

Sunday, March 7th, 2021

Sunday, March 7, 2021

One year and one day in quarantine.

I didn't ask for this pandemic. It's not like anyone did, really, but that's also not the point; it's just one more thing in a long line of shit I never asked for.

Read the rest of Sunday, March 7th, 2021...