Meta: publishing some old things, finally

Written Friday, September 3, 2021

Today has been ... intense.

This blog is filled with mentions and allusions to the things I endured as a child, growing up in a horrific environment, bouncing from one hellish landscape of neglect and abuse to another. I spent part of this morning doing trauma therapy exercises, writing freehand with a purple pen on printer paper, about those chunks of experience.

There is something vividly heart-breaking about seeing the neat lettering of a 35 year old woman devolve into the half-inch-high, barely-legible scrawl of a terrified little girl.

To see my past and my pain take such a physically undeniable representation in ink is simultaneously mind-blowing and deeply healing.

It is the kind of experience that reminds me of why I started this blog to begin with - the blended desire to share for catharsis, and to share for providing solidarity. I know I am not alone, and I see others in the world around me every day whose stories carry gut-wrenching echoes of my own.

I'm not ready to share those handwritten letters, just yet. Someday.

But I do have a backlog of entries for this site, that I wrote over two years ago and never quite had the chance to publish.

Some just needed some privacy edits before making their way onto the internet. Some... I simply wasn't ready to admit to yet.

It's time to add them, now, to the project. I am well enough in heart, mind, and body to put these out there.


I've posted the following entries today, retroactively; they're grouped loosely by theme:

My gender identity journey

Friday, May 3, 2019

Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Monday, June 10, 2019

Friday, June 21, 2019

Saturday, June 22, 2019

Saturday, June 29, 2019

Monday, July 1, 2019

Wednesday, July 3, 2019


Dealing with the realities of child abuse as a recovering adult

Sunday, May 12, 2019 - Mother's Day

Sunday, June 16, 2019


Mental health

Sunday, June 2, 2019

Saturday, June 29, 2019 part two


Assorted Updates

Sunday, May 19, 2019 (redacted)

Friday, June 14, 2019

Tuesday, June 18, 2019



There are a few more left, which will have to wait a tiny bit longer. As much as I'm grateful to be healthy and healed enough, these days, to revisit and publish these, it's still a very taxing and tiring experience.


I hope they might do someone some good.


Ultimately, I finished with one last retroactive post - one I wasn't sure about sharing, for a while, due to the heavily political nature of its contents; but after 2020, and 2021, it feels like the right thing to say aloud.


And besides, it ends with a beautifully fitting tonic note - a return to the theme of this blog, this entry, and so many threads of my life: Thursday, July 4, 2019