Entries from 2025

When Bullies Play Chess

Monday, June 2, 2025

When I was in the fourth grade - about nine years old - I had a bully.

Now, he was hardly the first, and very certainly not the last. I have memories of being bullied as early as four years old by other kids, and of course stories from Quite Recently about being bullied by adults.

But this one, stood out... like almost no others have. There was something extra vicious, relentless, and intense about the hurt he threw at me. The marks he left are unlike any of the other abuse I've sustained - a mystery I've been deeply curious about for years now, but have never really managed to understand.

Anyways, I'm going to call this kid D, because that was the first letter of his name.

D wasted no time making my life hell, but I honestly only remember a tiny handful of incidents. The most vivid one involved me and my chess board.

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Monday, March 24, 2025

Monday, March 24, 2025

There's something fitting about writing this - here, now, in this way.

So much is resonant with the past... it was almost exactly six years ago that I tearfully typed out the first few words of what would become this space. I don't remember what the outside world was like, then, but presumably it was much like today - cold, cloudy, drizzling rain punctuated by brief bits of bird song and stolen glimpses of sunbeams flitting away almost before they were noticed. I was drawn inwards, to a point that felt like an agony beyond any communication or expression; even while being acutely aware of exactly what was going on and why, I retain virtually no actual memory of the experience itself.

I suppose living through hell is often like that.

I would know.

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