How to Change Your Mind
Wednesday, December 6, 2023
Ever been asked "where do you think you'll be in five years?"
I've never gotten that right. Not once. But today I want to talk about my favorite example of me getting it entirely wrong, and how that turned out to be a really good thing.
The truth is, I spent a decade and a half of my adult life struggling - and failing - to cope with my own mind.
In the summer of 2007, I experienced an episode so intense and terrifying that I decided I needed help. I spent the next 12 years going through an intensive series of treatments - medications, therapies, counseling, you name it. I have literally lost count of the dozens of different chemicals I was prescribed in that time, often simultaneously; I have countless stories of frustating conversations with doctors, therapists, life coaches, and more... all of whom failed to truly "fix" my problem.
It wasn't until late in 2018 that I first began to find a way out. I discovered trauma - and, more importantly, I began to learn how to heal it.
Five years later, I am - quite literally - a completely different person. This is the story of how I changed my own mind.
Grand Theft Starship
Monday, October 9, 2023
Life can change in some fascinating ways sometimes.
I started this entire project - the whole idea of Starship Gender - in early 2019. By late 2021, I was struggling with continuing to use the "Starship Gender" name, because the whole concept of gender was increasingly feeling like a massive lie I wanted to escape from.
And now, almost two years after that, I've reached an interesting verdict. I like the name, and I'm keeping it.
But the idea of gender itself can go rot in a hole.
Rest Well, Buddy Fuzz
Thursday, April 20, 2023
Content Warning: pet loss, relationship abuse, various illness, processing grief.
This is not an entry I was expecting to write.
But sometimes, memories take a while to surface. Sometimes, we need a while before we can let go of certain kinds of pain.
Three Months of SwitchBoard
Wednesday, March 1, 2023
It's been about three months since I wrote Disability-Driven Development. I've written more about the future I think this could unlock, as well as the overall concept of what I'm doing with the SwitchBoard project. For this, I want to do something a little bit different - I want to tell a different angle of SwitchBoard's story. I want to share my commit messages.
The SwitchBoard Strategy
Sunday, February 19, 2023
I'd like to take some time to lay out the ideas I have for the SwitchBoard project. This is a specific idea that arose as part of the Disability-Driven Development concept. It's also a concrete step towards the more radical, long-term vision I explored in Peeking Into a Future. The path from "here to there" is long, uncertain, and complicated - so I want to dig into what exactly I'm doing, and how I think it will help us get there.
Eternal Futility and Executive Function
Wednesday, February 15, 2023
One of the more common day-to-day struggles of my life, as someone who is both autistic and invisibly disabled, involves coping with my very tiny pool of executive function. This is a fancy phrase to describe a mundane problem: I find it extremely hard to do things.
In order to continue surviving, let alone actually having any kind of life, I've needed to learn how to deal with this. Fortunately, even though "accomplishing things" is often a struggle for me, thinking about things is a skill I essentially cannot turn off. So, true to form, I've spent a lot of time thinking about how to cope with not being able to do things. This is a collection of some of those thoughts.
Cultivating Community
Monday, January 30, 2023
I've spent a lot of time, over the years, thinking about how to help people connect, interact, and form community - especially in digital spaces on the Internet. I've participated in many kinds of communities, and been a part of shaping a few as well. This is a collection of some of the things I've learned along the way.
Peeking Into a Future
Monday, January 16, 2023
It's been six weeks since I published Disability Driven Development. A lot has happened with that project in that time - more than I can fit into this update. There will be more news there soon, but I wanted to take a moment and explore a bit more of what I'm doing, now that the why is out there, as well as to dig into more detail about how I imagine all this unfolding.
Perspective-Dancing
Monday, December 26, 2022
One of the most useful skills I've chosen to develop in my own life is that of empathy. This is an exploration of how we can invest in and strengthen that skill, and how it can unlock tremendous improvements in life - both within ourselves, and around us.
It is a glimpse into play as a way to befriend our imaginations; and imagination as a way to befriend everyone - and everything - else.
What's in the Toolbox of Liberation?
Thursday, December 15, 2022
I think a lot about the wisdom and sentiment behind Audre Lorde's famous observation that "the master's tools will never dismantle the master's house." It's a crucial insight, for those of us seeking better ways to exist, but it is after all more of a starting point than an answer unto itself.
There are two questions that this oft-recited quote raises in my own mind. First, how can we recognize which of the tools we wield are problematic? And secondly, what are our other options?
I am hardly alone in exploring these questions, to be clear; but what follows is a look into my process of trying to answer them.